Parenting: The good the bad and the ugly

The good would be about 90% of it. Some of the good being how beautiful she is to look at of course. The adorable "jukey" sneeze she does after sneezing twice. When we stare in each others eyes. When she falls asleep when Im breastfeeding her. The cuddling when we sleep at night. Watching her gain weight, grow and get chunky :) Her smiles in her sleep. EVERY adorable expression she makes. The overwhelming feeling that i was created to assist God in bringing this beautiful being into the world... Its just wow. So being that she is two weeks old that pretty much sums up our good parts of our day right now because her development is so limited right now.

The bad is when she cries, but not just any cries, her screaming cry. It BREAKS my heart. When its not your kid its just plain annoying and you can simply walk away. When its your child YOU are the one who has to fix it and when you cant fix it right away it just makes you feel bad which is not a good feeling as a parent. More of the bad is the sleep deprivation. Its difficult being the best parent you can be in the night when you are just so darn tired and grumpy. More of the bad is the constant worry, however I am learning to let go and let God. In the beginning I kept waking up to check her breathing which isn't something you should feel you have to do. Now that I co-sleep with her I feel safe that she is next to me and can hear her soft breathing throughout the night. So in the end screaming cries+feeling like you failed+sleep deprivation+worry=Just needing to be mature. Thats really all it is. You need to put your big girl AND big boy pants (dad) on because at the end of the day, literally it is only 8% of the parenting experience. In MY opinion of course.

The ugly well that would be those adorable diapers :) lol. She even pooped (sprayed) all over my hand. I literally had to catch the spray in my hand so it wouldn't get on the floor lol. Also breastfeeding started out ugly for us. Were talking the biggest beating to your poor, already sensitive from pregnancy, nipples you could imagine!! Ouch is all I can say but were good now and its one of my favorite things about parenting now. The fact I can provide all the nourishment she needs and that it is the best she can get just leaves me at peace.

So to sum it up; the day consists of 90% good, 8% bad and 2% ugly. Again all my opinion as I am blessed with a healthy happy baby for the most part. You just really have to be ready for this, and although I think nobody is really ready until it happens to you; I do recommend living as much life as possible before you have kids. I know I'm only 23 but I do feel I have lived a lot of life. I completed the basics with graduating high school and went to college and completed my field of study that I chose at that time in my life. Ive traveled to Thailand, Jamaica and visited fun places here in the US. I married the love of my life, and high school sweetheart. I have partied, a little too hard at times ;). Had the most awesome 21st birthday (week) a girl could have. Ive wine tasted in wine country. Left our home town and moved to a new county. Managed an awesome little coffee shop. Worked in a world famous gorgeous sycamore springs spa. This is to name a few things in my past, some im proud of some not so much..lol. None of it compares to this year though... Becoming pregnant for the second time, getting closer to God and then giving birth to my daughter!! Everything i have done has led up to this.

Some of my friends have had children very young and have done an awesome job. I myself can't say with certainty that if i hadn't gotten some good life experience behind me that I would have been able to truly settle down and enjoy this time. But people make it work and adjust everyday at any age. I guess what I'm trying to say to those of you who don't have children yet, get to a place in life that you are really ready for this amazing responsibility. Get your selfish wants, needs and experiences done and behind you. Go nuts with whatever!! I feel this will allow you to become the selfless parent we are destined to be. Lets face it, when they come into the world it is ALL about them and no more "me" :)

And us parents need to remember, its not over, It's the beginning!! We have to put some things on hold while they are so small but they will get to an age where we need to expose them with TONS of memories and experiences. Therefore more traveling down the line and getting back into hobbies and sports to name a few. I'm so excited for our future and cant wait to see what God has for us :)!!!

Our Parenting Style and Goals

Having a child makes you think more about the future than I ever could have realized. All of a sudden I am filled with all these dreams and goals for our daughter. And she will barely be two weeks tomorrow!

We have picked up and are researching and studying the attachment parenting method extensively. Basically it is about closeness, attachment, affection and treating your child even in infancy with dignity and respect. You treat them the way you want them to treat others when they grow older. This method is also effective in preventing violence in your children. Its a parenting method that strongly believes in breastfeeding, safe co sleeping and giving your child an abundance of affection and positive discipline. In my mind this is natural and there is no other way I would want to go.

http://www.attachmentparenting.org/principles/principles.php

Breastfeeding has been going so much better now. It makes me feel so good that she is getting the perfect nutrition for her development. There are so many benefits even that manifest later in life such as helping to prevent childhood and adolescent obesity. By giving her such amazing nutrition I have been thinking about when she is older and no longer breastfeeding. Being a stay at home mom I am going to make it my focus to always feed her optimal nutrition. I know happy meals and things like this are convenient to parents when they are busy but it is my goal to never feed her these things. I believe that by never introducing these kinds of food to her she wont care for them when she is older. The proof to this theory is actually related to myself. My mom would NEVER allow us to drink soda as kids. It was never in our fridge and just never an option for us even into our young adolescent years. To this day I am not a soda drinker, I never developed a taste for it and the carbonation bothers me. When I was a child and I got soda either from grandma or kother friends I didn't go crazy for it because it was "off limits". It was just a drin that made my nose hurt lol. So hopefully this theory plays out true for Hope and she wont develop a taste for fast food. We will see :-D

I am not preaching my parenting method I am simply just sharing it. This will be our method because our lives allow this and we are blessed by that. I am so blessed to be a stay at home mom and to dedicate my life to raising our daughter and any other children we have down the road. For the first time in my life I feel fulfilled. I was always searching for what my life's calling would be. I have changed my college major about four times... The day Hope was born it all made sense. I was created to be a full time mother and praise the Lord that he has given us the means for me to fulfill this duty. Do we have to go without some things? Of course we do but its so worth it! For the moms that have to work I respect you for working TWO jobs!! This one job is hard enough! I will continue to learn every day and hopefully progress every day!

Our Parenting Journey Thus Far...

I really wanted to write a post when we got home from the hospital but that didn't happen. Then I wanted to write a post about her being a week old... That didn't happen either... Lol so here we are attempting it at 10 days while Hope is taking a nap :)

Having a baby is the most challenging occurrence to ever happen in my life. It is so much harder than I ever could have thought. I always watched teen mom and 16 and pregnant and I couldn't understand why these girls couldn't just step up and do their job. I can't say at their age I would have been any good at this either... It takes patience, support, selflessness but most importantly dedication. I am 100% dedicated to being the best mother I can be to her because she deserves nothing less.

JP has been such a great support for me. He is the most amazing dad. He loves to change her diapers, get her dressed, brush her hair and I would love to do those things more often too lol but ill let him enjoy it before he goes back to work. After all with breastfeeding she and i have our special bond through that.

Speaking of breastfeeding... OMG! I remember the week before I had her I was saying "I cant wait to have her in my arms so I can breastfeed her." I had this beautiful peaceful image of that the entire pregnancy. Well it didn't happen that way at all. It has been just as excruciating as labor. And I had a natural birth... She tore me up and it was so sad because I dreaded feeding her and she eats every hour and a half to two hours. At 2AM one morning I was tempted to just quit and go buy her some enfamil... But I decided to stick it out and talk to her pediatrician. He referred me to a lactation consultant who listened to me unlike the ones in the hospital. The ladies in the hospital kept saying I just have to get her to latch better and the pain will go away. Don't you think I tried that? My lactation consultant discovered Hope is a tongue sucker keeping her tongue in front and sometimes on top which resulted in a lot of "chewing" Ouch... So she got me a breast shield and I have been on the road to recovery since and Hope has been getting more food than she can handle sometimes lol.. I am so thankful that I was able to stick to this because it is the best thing for her and for me in the end.

Regardless of the sleepless nights, breastfeeding drama, not being able to get up and go everywhere none of these come close to getting in the way of our obsession with her... She is the most beautiful thing we have ever seen. Every day all day all we can do is look at her and say "omgosh she is gorgeous" "crap she is adorable" lol all day every day. All I can do is take pictures and stare at her when she sleeps. She is such a miracle.

Like many of you know I had a miscarriage in July 2010 and it has been the most painful thing to ever happen to us. I was due with that baby in January 2011 but had I not miscarried then we wouldn't have our little Hope. I got pregnant with her in December of 2010 :) They call a baby you give birth to after a loss your "rainbow" baby. The rainbow at the end of the storm... And she truly is that. I wish my grandma Lettie were here I would have loved to see her reaction to her... But I know she is watching us from heaven and so proud :)

It feels like only a couple days ago I gave birth to this little beauty and here she is 10 days old already. It makes me think about how quickly my little sisters have grown up. With her being my own its probably going to go twice as fast which makes me sad. I want her to stay this size forever :( I can't wait to walk hand in hand with my husband through this parenting journey and watch her grow into the beautiful woman she was created to become... Praise God for giving us this opportunity!

Hope Has Arrived!! (My labor & delivery story)

Hope Leticia was born at 9:43AM on 9/7/11. She weighed 6lbs 10oz and is 19 1/2 inches long. She has lots of dark brown hair and is so gorgeous!

On Monday night JP and I made cinnamon tea which is one of those old wives tales to jump start labor if your body is ready. You just boil cinnamon sticks and then we added mexican hot chocolate, I figured hey at least its yummy. I woke up Tuesday morning to my bloody show..eeew lol. And I was like hmmm interesting. I started feeling crampy all day and then started having timeable braxton hicks which then turned into real contractions at about 5pm though they were still manageable. By about 10pm I knew they weren't going away and they were stronger so we headed to labor and delivery. I got checked and my contractions were about 4 minutes apart, very strong and I was almost 4cm dilated so they admitted me.

Once we got in our room is pretty much when things got intense. But about midnight there was no going back I was in labor and it would not stop until she got here. I prepared a natural birth plan and I was determined to stick to it. My mom came to help JP and I with support. My real labor started about 1AM. All I can remember was getting to this point where just tensing up during contractions wasn't cutting it. I got to the point where I needed to moan and groan through them and channel my energy out instead of holding it in. I got a tub room not to give birth in the tub but to use it as a natural pain relief. I was only in there for like an hour lol. It wasn't for me. It got really hot and it wasn't comfortable for me to sit in there at all. I wanted to labor mostly laying on my left side in the bed. I was just so tired and would try to doze in between contractions. I labored in the bathroom sitting on the toilet for some reason that just felt right to me sometimes. I sat and bounced on the birthing ball where JP put pressure on my back. But I always found myself getting back in bed. About 5AM i was exhausted and about to go into transition. I remember crying to JP in the bathroom "Would it be horrible if i wanted an epidural, have I come too far?" He said yes you have come too far. And I had already accepted that. When I got to transition and could no longer groan through the contractions I was literally screaming/groaning which made me sound like an opera singer. And then I started feeling the urge to push around 7-8CM and then progressed quickly to 10. My Dr. broke my water because it never broke so we could bring baby down lower and I started pushing! It was the scariest feeling I ever had. My body just took over and the urge was so overwhelming I couldn't stop. I was screaming and crying and the Dr. told me to just channel that energy into my pushing and after 45 min. of pushing she was born. It was so ouchie and I got a 2nd degree tear but when she came out it was like instant physical relief and overwhelming happiness. I was exhausted but so proud of myself that I did it! I couldn't believe it.

Hope is so beautiful and we can't imagine our lives without her. Last night was scary because she just kept crying and we couldn't get her to stop and we were exhausted after my 16 hour labor and then the full day of having a new baby. But the love we have for her outweighs all the hardships.

For those of you who have not had kids yet or those who do and are having more I really do recommend a natural birth. Our bodies were truly made for this and its instinctual you just do it. After she was born I had a surge in my natural hormones and adrenaline and I was so pumped up and not tired at all for the whole day. I was able to get up right away because I wasn't numbed. There were no drugs in my system or hers it was just us two in a natural physical state. It was beautiful. I know they say you don't get a gold star if you go natural but the sense of accomplishment i have nobody can ever take that away from me. I know in some cases things happen and C-sections are inevitable and for the safety of yourself and your baby I absolutely know there is no way around it and you need to do it for your baby and yourself of course. But if you are healthy with no pregnancy complications and your pregnancy and labor is going normally, then just go for it! If I could do it ANYONE can do it :-D

39 Weeks Preggo...

Yes I am still pregnant... Kind of hoping this may be my last weekly pregnancy blog and that next week ill be blogging about our delivery... But who knows... blah

At my doctors appointment this week she was going to sweep my membranes since I'm 39 weeks HOWEVER; I'm still not dilated...lol. But I did efface more and baby's head is lower so Dr. said its definitely progress and all is still on track to go into labor at any time.

This week i have been really tired, sleepy and just plain lazy. I don't want to do anything at all. I take naps every day and am laying around on my computer and watching Friends. I want to enjoy being a couch potato for who knows how long I have left because I will never get that back. And those of you who know me well know that I enjoy my lazy time! But I still can't wait for the baby to get here, but I am a little nervous. I was feeling nervous in the beginning and then it went away until this week. The reality is starting to set in that I am going to have to go through labor and delivery, postpartum recovery, breastfeeding and being a full time mommy. It is going to be a huge change in our lives.

Little miss Hope has been very active in the night the past few nights. Like non stop wiggling and rolling her knees back and forth across my belly. It hurts like really bad, lol but it is SOO cool! I am going to miss feeling and seeing her move in my belly so much. It is the most incredible experience of my life thus far.

We love you little Hope Leticia!! Mommy and Daddy can't wait to meet you so come out soon okay :)