38 Weeks

I am still pregnant and honestly still loving every minute of it... okay almost every minute of it lol. Her movement is so crazy this week, i can literally see her foot poking out and I can even grab it a little bit. So creepy and cool. It does hurt though, like my uterus feels sore and its pretty much at capacity now... But i guess baby's growth and weight gain slows down now and the organs are just finishing up maturity. So I sit here waiting to feel a gush of water or a painful contraction but I mean I'm still two weeks before my due date. I got checked at the doctor yesterday and I am not dilated but i am about 60% effaced and baby's head is way low and she is getting all set in position. So it really could be any time. The average for first time moms is 40-41 weeks though.

We are all ready for her though. Her room is ready, car seat, the hospital bag and mommy and daddy are for the most part ready. I'm getting restless legs though. I feel like i haven't used my body in such a long time, I just want to go on a sprint, or a jog, do push ups and sit ups, jump around and dance lol. But instead JP and i are just doing walks around our neighborhood. Nothing too strenuous so if I go into labor I have my energy. I could have been working out in the beginning but I have been paranoid this pregnancy. I hate to admit... With having a miscarriage before I have honestly been afraid to move much which has resulted in more weight gain than I needed to gain and loosing muscle. But its almost over and I will have my little girl here and I am going to work my butt off to bring her into this world as naturally as possible. I pray that I will progress on my own, withstand transition and listen to my body when it comes time to push and get her out all on my own NO DRUGS PLEASE PLEASE. I know i can do it, women have been doing it since the beginning of man after all! However if I dont I will try my best to not have guilt or feel like a failure... After all you just can't plan the labor and delivery, it is often times out of your control. I do have a great OB though who is on board with my plan and the nurses and hospital we are delivering at are all for natural births. Only a 11% C-Section rate there!

Keep watch.. I will be posting updates on Facebook when I go into labor and of course we will get pictures up asap. But as of now, its a waiting game :)

37 Weeks (Full Term)

So we are now officially FULL TERM! Meaning little Hope can come any day now and everything will most likely be fine :) In fact I was born at 37 weeks 1 day and hey I turned out fine ;) lol. However I haven't had any contractions... Not much cramping... So I'm thinking she is going to stay in for a little while longer but who knows? I just cant believe the time is coming. It is something I have thought about my entire life and its just a few weeks away now... What will it be like when they pull her out of me? How will I feel, how will JP feel? I just know that our lives will never be the same. We will be parents, this is something we have been waiting and hoping for, for such a long time....

So our nursery for her is completely done. JP cleaned the carpets last week so they look good as new. All of her things are washed and ready to be used. I got her car seat installed by a CHP officer today and interviewed and really liked the pediatrician. He only does vaccines 2 maximum per appt. and allows you to be selective which is what we wanted. We want to spread them out as long as possible. I dont want her getting pumped up with 5+ vaccines in a visit. That wouldn't be good for anyone and is just so unnecessary in my opinion. But anyway that wont be a problem with this pediatrician.

My grandma Lettie's funeral was this past Tuesday... JP and I made the trip up to Riverside because I would never forgive myself if i missed my beloved grandma's funeral. It was a beautiful service and reception. I wish I had the strength to get up and speak and share some memories I have with my grandma and to share that i am currently expecting her first great grandchild who we are naming in honor of her... but i just didn't have the strength. And everyone in the family already knows, and grandma knows which is all that matters. It was nice to see all the family come together... still doesn't seem real that she is no longer here though. I know that baby Hope will be the light in this sad time in our lives...

So the countdown begins... When will Hope Leticia come into the world?? I'm going to make a guess date of Sept. 3rd :-P But earlier would be awesome too!!

36 Weeks (The 9th and final month!)

So I am 36 weeks pregnant today. As you can see from my previous post, my grandma passed away this week. Before her surgery I really thought that she would be around until the baby was born, but unfortunately after this last surgery that was just not possible. Even if she were still alive, she was alive for the past month but not present...

My heart was breaking for grandma because she so wanted to meet her first great grandchild. At my baby shower in Riverside she was sitting on the couch and looked up to the sky and said "Lord please just let me meet this baby." And here she goes one month before she is due. But then I realized something... She did get to meet her first great grandchild because I miscarried my first child.... So she literally gets her first great grandchild all to herself! :) The Lords plan is perfect. I miscarried my first baby in July of 2010 and about a week or so later I learned my grandma had cancer. It was like, for crying out loud what is going on in the world. But then I got pregnant again in December of 2010 when I still would have been pregnant with my first baby... So its as if the Lord wanted my first baby in heaven to greet grandma and then the Lord has blessed us with little Hope to have here all in the shortest span... Obviously I will never know God's plan but I do know this was not by accident...

So basically I am just going to do my best to hold it together the best I possibly can at my grandma's service. I dont want to go into early labor by loosing it completely and stressing the baby out... Its so much easier said than done though... But I'll have JP there who is my rock...

Well on a lighter note I am now in the 9th month and the countdown can begin... When will baby Hope come? Will it be at full term which starts next week? Will she be born on or around her due date? Will she be born late?? :-P Lets see what happens!

Grandma Lettie... 12/10/1935-08/08/2011

I woke up to the news that my beautiful Grandma Lettie passed away in the night last night. She had been battling gall bladder cancer for the past year. She was diagnosed in July of 2010 and it was a huge and devastating shock to our family. After an unsuccessful surgery to try to remove the tumor last year they decided to do radiation and chemotherapy. It did help shrink the tumor and doctors recently decided to take another shot at removing the tumor. Again it was unsuccessful due to its location near her vena cava. She could no longer get radiation and her body could no longer withstand the chemo. Her health diminished very quickly with the cease in treatment.

I somewhat came to terms that my grandma was gone in December of last year. My dad and I came down to spend her birthday with her and it really was a beautiful thing. The doctors said she wouldn't live past three months of July, so to spend that birthday with her was a very special thing. However even though her treatment was making progress and she was still here I could still see the pain. It is not easy watching someone you love so much suffering. That has been the worst thing of this whole experience. She was feeling so sick and in a lot of abdominal pain. If you knew my grandma you knew she loved to laugh, eat and just enjoy her children and grandchildren with smothering us with hugs and kisses and individual attention. Unfortunately the cancer this past year and half or so had robbed her of her favorite joys.

When my dad called me this morning and told me she passed I felt peace and comfort. I was still a little shocked because it has been news we have been waiting to hear for a long time. The anticipation of the inevitable was finally over. And I know that my grandma Lettie is her loving and happy self in heaven. She taught me a lot about faith my whole life. She was a devout Catholic and I grew up learning about God, Jesus, saints and angels. She always had these cards with scripture and my favorite was a picture she had of two little kids (a boy and a girl) walking across a bridge with a HUGE guardian angel protecting them. My favorite thing about my grandma's faith is that she was not prejudice with the Christianity denominations. She loved her Catholic mass but she also loved to go to Reality and hear pastor Britt speak and went to Harvest with my aunts in Riverside. She always taught us that God is the same but we all grow up with our own traditions of worshiping hm. Gosh she was so amazing.

When she came to Carpinteria to visit us growing up Joey and I would be so happy and excited. We knew we were going to feel very special for the weekend. She had a way of making you feel like you are the most important and special person in the world. We had a tradition where we would wake her up at 6am when she spent the night and she would take us to Tyler's donuts and we would each get a donut and hot chocolate. We would go out to Jelly Bowl and sit on the log that sits on the bluffs over looking the ocean. She always told me and Joey that when she passed away one day when we were much older that she wanted her ashes spread on that beach... I really hope we can fulfill that wish for her.

2010 was a horrible year for our family. Its the year my parents split up, my grandma got sick and diagnosed with cancer and at that same time JP and I miscarried our first child. I refuse to see this year as anything but a blessing. This year 2011 is the year that my grandma went to heaven and no longer has to suffer and its the year I will be giving birth to our first daughter who is named Hope Leticia in honor of her great grandmother Lettie.

Grandma i will honor you by raising Hope the exact way you raised my dad, aunts, uncles and us grandchildren. And she will grow up hearing about her great grandma Lettie who wanted to meet her so bad. The most beautiful and incredible woman anyone has ever known.

35 Weeks!

Here we are in the home stretch!!! Can't believe how fast this third trimester is going by. I am very uncomfortable especially because I carry her so high but I seriously LOVE every second of it. I love every second because its my daughter in there! Every painful movement I just want to praise God. Like Ive said before, previous pregnancy loss changes the way you see and feel about any future pregnancies. I dont want to take one day for granted that I have her with me! I just can't wait to meet her! So I have 5 weeks until my due date, however she could come as early as 2 weeks and still be considered full term. I was born at 37 weeks so its not like its impossible! But I trust my body to let her cook as long as she needs. I dont believe babies come when "their" ready, I believe it to be a hormonal trigger in your body. Just like a period, when its time its just time and she will roll with the ride regardless.

A little update on the house situation. We got final approval on our home loan which is a HUGE stress off our shoulders, HOWEVER we are STILL waiting on the bank to accept the short sale offer. It is taking forever!!! So we are going to have to set up her nursery here at our current place for now so i dont go crazy and feel so unprepared. Her room looks like babies r us threw up in there... haha it is a huge mess. But we will get it all figured out in the next couple weeks or so. My birthday is tomorrow so this will hold the room off for just one more week :) Were going to celebrate the best we can! :-P

The Baby Shower

My mom, sister in law and mother in law threw me a baby shower this past weekend. It was held at a Hall in the church my mom works at. It was just beautiful. My sister in law Natasha has a way with decorations that nobody can match up to! There was so much family and friends there that I wanted to cry a few times lol... Little Hope was blessed with so many adorable outfits, handmade clothes and blankets and baby accessories! She is one spoiled little girl. :)

Ive noticed being this far along that I have been in a permanent "fog" so to speak. Unfortunately I don't really remember all the details all that well and so Im going to need to rely on the picture family took. I wish I could have talked to more people but my butt was glued to the chair and I was just kind of oblivious lol... Same thing happened at my first shower and all my family was like, Are you okay?? Are you sad?? Lol No not at all Im just pregnant i guess...haha. All I want to do 24/7 is crawl in bed and take a nap!! But I am so grateful to all the generosity we have been showered with. I am trying to enjoy these last weeks as much as I can but its not a walk in the park. Love you all who came to the shower and for those of you that tried! xoxoxo Can't wait for everyone to meet little Hope Leticia!!!