I really wanted to write a post when we got home from the hospital but that didn't happen. Then I wanted to write a post about her being a week old... That didn't happen either... Lol so here we are attempting it at 10 days while Hope is taking a nap :)
Having a baby is the most challenging occurrence to ever happen in my life. It is so much harder than I ever could have thought. I always watched teen mom and 16 and pregnant and I couldn't understand why these girls couldn't just step up and do their job. I can't say at their age I would have been any good at this either... It takes patience, support, selflessness but most importantly dedication. I am 100% dedicated to being the best mother I can be to her because she deserves nothing less.
JP has been such a great support for me. He is the most amazing dad. He loves to change her diapers, get her dressed, brush her hair and I would love to do those things more often too lol but ill let him enjoy it before he goes back to work. After all with breastfeeding she and i have our special bond through that.
Speaking of breastfeeding... OMG! I remember the week before I had her I was saying "I cant wait to have her in my arms so I can breastfeed her." I had this beautiful peaceful image of that the entire pregnancy. Well it didn't happen that way at all. It has been just as excruciating as labor. And I had a natural birth... She tore me up and it was so sad because I dreaded feeding her and she eats every hour and a half to two hours. At 2AM one morning I was tempted to just quit and go buy her some enfamil... But I decided to stick it out and talk to her pediatrician. He referred me to a lactation consultant who listened to me unlike the ones in the hospital. The ladies in the hospital kept saying I just have to get her to latch better and the pain will go away. Don't you think I tried that? My lactation consultant discovered Hope is a tongue sucker keeping her tongue in front and sometimes on top which resulted in a lot of "chewing" Ouch... So she got me a breast shield and I have been on the road to recovery since and Hope has been getting more food than she can handle sometimes lol.. I am so thankful that I was able to stick to this because it is the best thing for her and for me in the end.
Regardless of the sleepless nights, breastfeeding drama, not being able to get up and go everywhere none of these come close to getting in the way of our obsession with her... She is the most beautiful thing we have ever seen. Every day all day all we can do is look at her and say "omgosh she is gorgeous" "crap she is adorable" lol all day every day. All I can do is take pictures and stare at her when she sleeps. She is such a miracle.
Like many of you know I had a miscarriage in July 2010 and it has been the most painful thing to ever happen to us. I was due with that baby in January 2011 but had I not miscarried then we wouldn't have our little Hope. I got pregnant with her in December of 2010 :) They call a baby you give birth to after a loss your "rainbow" baby. The rainbow at the end of the storm... And she truly is that. I wish my grandma Lettie were here I would have loved to see her reaction to her... But I know she is watching us from heaven and so proud :)
It feels like only a couple days ago I gave birth to this little beauty and here she is 10 days old already. It makes me think about how quickly my little sisters have grown up. With her being my own its probably going to go twice as fast which makes me sad. I want her to stay this size forever :( I can't wait to walk hand in hand with my husband through this parenting journey and watch her grow into the beautiful woman she was created to become... Praise God for giving us this opportunity!
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